Love, 4 letters, a billion meanings
by x.x Lil.Angelz x.x
Summary: One-shot! Amu has forbidden feelings, one that may not be returned.


**Love, 4 letters, a billion meanings**

I pressed my head on the table. Looking down to the floor, I had such a rough day. _"We're just weren't meant for each other"_. Those words pounded in her head. Ikuto didn't like me anymore. I know it's true. I've always loved him, I probably always will. It hurt, my heart still ached. My fist punched the wooden table hard. What am I going to do now?! I'll be laughing stock _everyone will know my secret_. Tomorrow was Sunday, so I guess I have one more day until I have to face seeing him all over again, just one more day.

That night I couldn't sleep at all. Not even a wink. I, Hinamori Amu is a student at St. Valdiars academy, we learn top secret techniques like how to unlock locks, hack into computers and on top of all, how to defend our assigned moroi. They are people who are high-classed, but since the public media has focused on moroi, their numbers have decreased rapidly. I have classes' everyday except the weekends. My personal trainer, Tsukiyomi Ikuto is the problem. We meet 6 months ago. _Rule Number 11# _No relationships between guardians of moroi are allowed. Time passed and I developed those forbidden feelings. But I knew nothing could happen to us, it's just like he said… but we had once. It was just a scene. I couldn't help it, I was so sad knowing my mum has died I ran to him and before I knew it we kissed, more fierce by the second. He kissed me back; he couldn't help it but it was just once. It just happened once, in his room. But we couldn't have anything to do with each other. We just couldn't. I was not allowed. So that's why he said those words to me. Time passed, I have to go to training now… training with Ikuto.

I saw Ikuto at the gym, his black jumper made him look stunning from head to toe. His aqua eyes flashed as I walked. I posed, hoping he would get the idea. Ikuto turned around, he knew it was the wrong to do and acted like his usual mature-like personality. "3 laps around the gym" he ordered. I could do nothing but follow what he said. "Quicken the pace Amu!" he yelled. When I finished the laps I took a deep breath. "Hey, its Christmas let me slack of a little!" I protested. "You're a child; you should have loads of energy." He shot back at me. What was he thinking! Im 17 his just seven years older than me. I know it sounds wrong but I am crushing on him and there's nothing that could stop me. But something, I could not take was me being called a child. I couldn't stand it. Ikuto has called me that a million times. I didn't want him to do that!

"Okay just stop this for once!" I demanded, hands on my hips. "Stop what?" "the whole me being a child thing. Im seventeen! You say I'm a child, but don't you remember anything. About what to us 2 months ago?! Didn't you feel anything? Anything at all? You're always acting so wise. Acting like you know everything, but you don't! You don't even care about me! I swear, sometimes it's just like you want to hear yourself talk! And I know you're not always like this! You were perfectly normal when you talk to Tasha!( Amu concluded that they had feelings for each other) But with me? You're just stuck in your mentor role!"

Ikuto stared at me, uncharacteristically surprised. "I don't care about you?"

"No", I was being petty, very very petty. I knew he cared about me, and more than just a mentor. I couldn't help myself though; it just kept coming and coming. I jabbed my finger at his chest. "I'm just another student you come across and you fill me life lessons and consider me nothing less than child!" Without another thought he reached out, grabbing my pointing hand and pinned it to the wall, and I was surprised to see a flare of emotion in his eyes. It wasn't exactly anger… but a frustration of another kind. "Don't tell me what im feeling!" Ikuto growled. I knew half the stuff I said was true. _He always taught me this to fight for control. _

"That's it…isn't it?" I asked. "What?" "You're always fighting for control. You're the same as me". "No"' he said, still obviously worked up. "I've learned my control."

Something about this new realization emboldened me. "No" I informed him. "You haven't. You put on a good face, and you do stay in control most of the time. But sometimes you can't. And sometimes…" I leaned forward lowering my voice. "Sometimes you don't want to"

"Amu…"

I could see his labored breathing and I knew his heart beat as quickly as mine. And Ikuto wasn't pulling away. I knew it was wrong- all the logical reasons that we couldn't be together. But right then I didn't care. I didn't want to control myself. I didn't want to be good.

Before he relised what was happening, I kissed him. Our lips met, and when I felt him kiss me back, I knew I was right. Ikuto pressed himself closer, trapping me between him and the wall. He kept holding my hand, but the other one snaked behind my back, sliding into my hair. The kiss was filled with so much intensity. Emotions of every kind-anger, happiness, passion, release…

He was the one who broke it. Ikuto cupped my hand and made me look up. " I love you, and I don't want to hide any longer…" and with that last sentence I pressed his lips once more and with that died my strength that wanted me to keep away from him. I was free…


End file.
